So in the end you did it. You were determined and there was no stopping
you. Nobody could. Well, the Good Lord could have, but He does not interfere in
these decisions, apparently. So finally, you had your way – and you’re resting.
We all say it was inevitable; that the signs were writ large and that it
was imprinted in your being that you would go before your time. Probably it is
truly like that: when the black dog came by, large, dark as the night and
all-devouring there was no controlling it. On the contrary it controlled you,
conditioned your thinking, distorted your views so much that white became
black, day seemed like night, love like indifference and death like liberation.
No human agency could change that false reality. You had the best working
for you, racking their brains, pleading with you to let them help you, but that
ugly, menacing dog was invincible – and it dragged you with it over the precipice.
You had your peers, too, who loved and cared and would have done anything to lift
you, but you could only tell them to leave, because the jealous beast which had
marked you for its own so ordained. You could not do otherwise.
You went because you felt no love. That was a colossal, gigantic lie. Your lovely family loved you, but the black hound growled its untruths and you could not but listen. So their love seemed like indifference at best and though they tried once, twice, a hundred times to reach out and touch you, you rebuffed them. I say ‘’you’’, but it wasn’t you; it was that cursed cur that barked the command. You had to comply.
You went because you felt no love. That was a colossal, gigantic lie. Your lovely family loved you, but the black hound growled its untruths and you could not but listen. So their love seemed like indifference at best and though they tried once, twice, a hundred times to reach out and touch you, you rebuffed them. I say ‘’you’’, but it wasn’t you; it was that cursed cur that barked the command. You had to comply.
Saħħa! How hollow that word sounds after we witnessed
that black dog drain your brain of its strength until there was none left.
Perhaps it should be directed at those left behind, who need the power to
soldier on without you.
They will march on, proudly bearing the banner
of life and love. The dog scored a victory when Thanatos trumped Eros. But it
will lose the war and will ultimately have to withdraw, bowed and beaten.
From your vantage point up there you will
witness it all and smile.
.